I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
