I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
