I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
