just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
