so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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