decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
