thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
