What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
