I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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