I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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