I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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