I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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