worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
