Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
