am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
