I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
