He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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