Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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