Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
