I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
