My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
