At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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