could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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