FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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