I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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