we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
