I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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