I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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