yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
