R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
