This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
