just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
