i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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