Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
