K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
