Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
