I will die if light touches me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
