I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
