I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
