I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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