i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
