he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
