What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
