did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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