i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
