Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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