there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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