im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
