he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
