Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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