Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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