just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
