that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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