I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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