I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
