I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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